The Savannah party scene isn’t quite what Jade expects. She’s been trying to get her big break in acting since the age of 16. She’s been in dozens of commercials, music videos, and short indie films, but none of them have gotten her on the A-list. She’s been to a lot of celebrity parties throughout her years of being on the small screen. Though celebrities may seem different than the average Joe, the parties downtown are just the same as the parties at a state school’s frat house: cheap alcohol, cocaine, and couples fucking in someone else’s bedroom. 

           Now, at 24, Jade is in her parked Subaru down the road from her destination. Though the house isn’t in sight, she hears the thumping bass throughout the familiar neighborhood. She feels the music in her chest as she taps her fingers on the steering wheel to the beat. She pulls the sun visor down and cracks a smile, checking for red lipstick on her teeth. She looks at herself in the mirror for a moment, debating on whether she was really ready for this.

         She doesn't usually get this nervous before parties. She used to be the life of the party. On her 21st birthday, she took so many tequila shots that she ended up naked on her neighbor’s roof. No one remembered how she got up there. Jade then swore off parties for a while after an incident from when she was 22 and took a joke too far; staying in a jail cell overnight was enough for her to learn her lesson.

         Jade adjusts her long curls one more time before cutting off the engine and stepping out of her vehicle. Her strappy red heels hit the pavement with a click. She focuses on the shoes as she strides toward the house. These are her favorite pair of heels; they’re comfortable and have been her go-to’s for years. 

            After a minute of walking through the canopy of oak trees, she finally sees it. The white, three-story mansion looks the same as it did 5 years ago, but with more Spanish moss growing up the sides. The colonial house is lined with windows, and she can see the swarm of bodies inside. Her legs freeze subconsciously as she glances around the crowded front porch of the house. There are a few familiar faces, but none of them is the one she’s looking for, the one she can’t avoid forever. 

 – 

         “We need to go, Jade,” I called down the hallway. “C’mon, we’re going to be late!” 

         Jade poked her head out of the bathroom. “5 more minutes, Caleb, please,” Her green eyes stared through my soul as she pouted at me. 

         “Okay, okay,” I laughed. “Don’t look at me like that, though. You know it always works on me.” 

         I walked over to the bathroom and leaned against the doorframe. I watched Jade finish getting ready. She pushed an earring in and shook her blonde bob out. She carefully looked over her perfume collection, her hand hovering between a few before she stopped on a floral scent. She applied a few sprays to her honey-colored skin, looked up at me, and made eye contact through the mirror. I was reminded of the first time our eyes met while I was playing a set at a friend’s birthday party. I was so in awe of how beautiful she was dancing to the music; I almost forgot the chords to the song we were playing. All it took was her smiling at me, and I’ve been obsessed with her ever since.

         “Those pants look good on you,” she winked at me. “I think navy is your color.” 

            Normally, I would never wear corduroy pants, but I couldn’t say no when Jade looked really excited about them. I trusted her judgment, especially because she had a good fashion sense. 

             “If you like them now,” I took a step forward and slinked my arm around her. “Just wait until you see them on the floor.” 

             I pressed a kiss to her temple and left the bathroom. She swatted my arm and scoffed as I walked away and followed me to the living room. I heard her footsteps behind me, and I could tell by the sound that she was wearing heels.

             “Those are some pretty tall heels, babe,” I glanced down at her red shoes and back at her head. I lingered on her legs for a second. The heels accentuated her legs. She was not quite as tall as me in them, but she was close. “Are you sure you can walk in them all night?” 

              She wiggled her foot at me, and almost tripped in the process. I held back a laugh because I knew that it would get her all riled up. 

               “I just got them yesterday and I will be wearing them to every event we go to for the foreseeable future.” 

               “Nice to know that I’m indefinitely your human walking stick.” I reached for my keys by the door.

               “Well, I’ve got to look good tonight, Cal. It’s not every day that your boyfriend announces his band’s first album.”

               “It’s actually an EP.” I shrugged my shoulders.

                “Still babe,” Jade rubbed my arm through my leather jacket. “Soon enough, everyone will know the name Bittersweet Survival and you’ll be playing sold out shows.”   

                “As long as you’re there, it doesn’t matter. I could be playing small bar shows for the rest of my life and I’d still be having a good time.”

                 She pulled me in for a soft kiss as I opened the front door and led her outside. I held onto Jade as she walks down the steps to ensure that she doesn’t fall. I helped her into the passenger’s seat of my black Camaro then got into the driver’s side. Before I could even turn the car on, Jade grabbed the phone charger from the center console. 

                 “I call dibs on aux!” She flashed a toothy grin at me as she plugged her phone in. 

                 “Sure, babe, whatever you want,” I laughed and kissed her hand before I started the car and pulled out of the driveway. 

– 

         Jade makes her way into the bright white kitchen and pushes past a mix of the local influencers and wannabes. She manages to get herself a vodka cran with minimal stops, mostly old co-workers who ask how she’s been, and one person who recognized her from her role in a small indie film about zombies. Not her favorite thing she’s been a part of, but it helped pay the bills so she couldn’t complain too much.

         It’s only been 30 minutes, but the strobe lights were already giving Jade a headache. She needs a breather, and she knows exactly where to go. She moves through the crowd like a fish moving upstream until she reaches the skinny staircase in the hallway. Two flights later, she moves toward the bedroom in the back. She listens outside of the door for a second to make sure it’s unoccupied, then pushes the door open. 

         The room is different from when she last saw it. The once blue walls are now a cream color. There’s no longer rock band posters on the wall or soccer trophies lining the bookshelf. A king size bed replaces the twin that was once there. The now barren and clean room is another reminder of how much everyone has grown up in 5 years. 

Blinking away tears, Jade walks over to the window and unlocks it. She slides it up carefully and remembers how it got stuck the last time she was here. She manages to get out of the window and onto the roof in her heels. The briny air steadies her breath as she sits down and sips on her drink. 

            The view from this part of the roof is breathtaking, and Jade realizes just how much she missed being at this house. The sun is setting over the Savannah coast and the orange light is making the palm trees look ablaze. Memories from this roof pop up in Jade’s mind. If she squints hard enough, she can almost see the ghostly outlines of her and Caleb’s nineteen-year-old selves. She misses how his brown eyes would almost glow when he was talking about the beginning of the band. Her favorite memory of her and Caleb’s time on the roof was when he told her about Bittersweet Survival’s first paid show. The glow in his eyes dimmed slightly when he explained that they had only gotten their gig on River Street because Noah, their drummer, had an uncle who owned a restaurant down there. She closed her eyes and could almost feel where she had rubbed his arm and reassured him that one day the band wouldn’t need connections to play in front of crowd.

             A breeze ruffles Jade’s hair and reminds her that she’s now the only one on this roof. A frown tugs at her lips as she realizes how quickly places that feel like home can become foreign.   

             She pulls her phone out of her pocket and opens her Instagram profile. She scrolls through the last few years of her life and stops on a photo from the last time she was on this roof. Four smiling faces squished together stare back at her through her screen.  

             “I remember that night,” A deep voice comes from behind Jade, her leg kicks her drink off the roof out of reflex.  

             “Fuck, Logan!” Jade puts her hand on her chest to comfort her racing heart. “You scared the shit out of me and made me spill my drink.”  

             “My bad,” Logan shrugs as he sticks his lanky limbs out of the window. He places a hand on Jade’s shoulder for balance as he sits down. Jade reaches to help him out of habit. “Luckily for you, I know where you can get another drink.” Jade lets out a small laugh and Logan looks over at her like he’s studying for a test. 

              “Why are you looking at me like that?” Jade asks. 

              “You know why, Jade. It’s been 5 years since I’ve seen you in person.” He reaches a hand out and tugs on one of her curls. “Your longer hair makes you look more mature.”   

               “I guess we all grew up,” Jade sighs. She looks at the man in front of her. His shoulders have bulked out since the last time she saw him, and he took out his lip ring. “Your bedroom is proof enough.” She lays back on the roof and looks up at the stars. Logan does the same. 

               “Thanks for coming tonight, J. I’ve missed you a lot; we all have.” After a moment of Jade not replying, Logan continues, “I don’t know if you’ve seen him yet, but he’s here somewhere. You don’t have to forgive him, but I really think you should talk to him.” 

               “I figured I would run into him eventually. I’m just not sure if I’m ready for that yet.” She looks over at Logan, whose eyes are closed. Though she met the boy through Caleb since he was Bittersweet Revival’s lead singer, the two continued to stay close after everything that happened.  

               Logan sits up in a hurry and gets on his feet. “Come on,” he holds his hand out to Jade, “I think you’ll feel better after another drink.” She hesitates for a second, but then takes his hand and follows him back to the party. 

– 

             I couldn’t remember how many drinks I’ve had at this point. We’d been here for almost two hours and my solo cup hadn’t been empty once. I couldn’t even taste the Bud Light in my cup anymore. 

            Jade’s drink count couldn’t have been that far behind mine. I may have been a rockstar, but she was the true life of the party. She made friends with every person she met, even if she didn’t remember them the next day.  

           Jade and I were dancing in the living room and surrounded by a bunch of other sweaty, dancing people. Once the song ended, Logan grabbed a microphone.  

           “How’s everyone doing tonight?” He yelled; his voice shook the whole house through the speakers. His guests cheered back at him. Logan was a great party host, and he knew it.  

              “Me and the boys,” he looked around until he found me, Noah, and Derek, our lead guitarist. I threw my fist up in the air in response. “Have a surprise for you. We have received a record deal and will be recording our first EP soon, so we want to play a new demo for you all!” Everyone around us began to cheer louder until Logan shushed them and played the song.  

               I looked down at Jade, who was beaming at me with tear filled eyes. She knew what we planned tonight, but she cried easily when she was drunk. As the song played, I grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her through the house and up the stairs. 

              “Where are we going?” she asked as she pushed hair out of her face. 

              “To our spot, love.” I helped her out of the window and carefully held onto her. 

              “Don’t you want to see what people think of your song?” Her eyebrows scrunched up. Clearly, she was thinking hard about our song.  

              “I’m sure I’ll hear them from up here. I want to spend this moment with you.” I pulled her close enough to smell her strawberry shampoo. Fuck, she smelled so good. I was going to miss her. I knew I wouldn’t get to hold her like this for a while after tonight, so I wanted to savor the moment. 

               After the song ended, we could hear loud cheers and clapping from the first floor. I felt my cheeks warm as Jade clapped with them. I loved how supportive she was of my career. I grabbed her face and pulled her in for a kiss. We were interrupted by another pair climbing out of the window. 

              “I’m glad you guys had the same idea,” Logan said as he helped his girlfriend, Brittany, onto the roof. They sat next to us and took in the late summer breeze. We stayed up there for over an hour. We talked about Jade’s next role in a small movie, Brittany’s next year at college, and everything in between. 

               “Let’s take a picture!” Brittany giggled as she got her phone out. “I want to remember this moment forever.” We all squished together on the roof as Brittany took multiple pictures. For the last one, I brought Jade closer to me and kissed her on the cheek. 

                “Aww!” Brittany squealed as she looked at the photos. “You guys are so cute! I hope you guys are together forever.” She sent the photos to our group chat. I quickly set the picture as my new lock screen.

                “Me too,” Jade whispered as she posted the photo to her Instagram account. 

                 I pulled her back into my chest. I was unaware that it would be the last time that I would hold her this close. 

– 

                 The crowd disperses while Jade is on the roof with Logan. The knots in Jade’s stomach loosen as her refill of liquid courage flows through her bloodstream. She knows that Caleb is here--why wouldn’t he be at his bandmate’s party? -- but hearing confirmation from Logan makes her paranoid. She does want to see him, but that means she has to talk to him. She downs the rest of her drink and grabs a third before following Logan into the living room.  

              She tries to loosen up by dancing to the music but finds herself constantly looking around the room at the faces around her. She begins to feel the room spinning around her. Just when she thinks her legs are going to buckle under her, she feels a hand wrap around her arm. 

                “Jade!” A high-pitched voice squeals. “Are you okay?” Jade opens her eyes and sees a blurry version of Brittany standing in front of her. 

                “Yes?” Jade reaches out for Brittany’s arm and regains her balance. “Yes. Yeah. I’m good. I’m fine.” Jade isn’t sure who she’s trying to convince. She briefly squeezes her eyes shut and reopens them. Brittany’s face comes into focus and Jade feels like she can breathe again. 

                “Mhmm.” Brittany doesn’t sound convinced. “Let’s go sit on the couch and catch up.” Jade allows Brittany to lead her over to the white sectional in the middle of the room. She slowly leans back into the plush material and lets the couch soak up her anxieties. She turns to look at Brittany. 

               “So,” Jade looks down at Brittany’s hand. “Congrats on the engagement. It took Logan long enough, but we all knew he’d get there eventually.” 

               Brittany adjusts the teardrop shaped diamond on her ring finger with a smile on her face. “I definitely wasn’t expecting it! I was surprised that we were the first ones to get engaged out of all our friends.” Her smile falters for a second as she looks back up at Jade. “Not that anyone else is close to getting engaged or anything I just meant--” 

               “It’s okay, Brittany,” Jade laughs. “You’re allowed to be excited about your engagement. I’m fine, really.” She looks up at the ceiling and imagines a timeline where she has a large rock on her finger instead of it being empty. 

               “We never talked about what happened that night, you know.” Brittany grabs Jade’s hand and holds it tight.

               “I know I just up and left all of you, which wasn’t fair. Every time I wanted to reach out to you or Logan, I just felt like it was too late.” 

               “It’s never too late, Jade. We wanted to give you some space, and when you never reached out, we figured this part of your life was over. Honestly, we were all surprised when you accepted Logan’s invitation.” 

               “Yeah, me too.

               “Maybe he’s right. A lot of things went unsaid between you two.”

               Jade sighs and pulls her hand away from Brittany’s grasp. “What if saying those things doesn’t change anything?” 

               “Wouldn’t you rather try than go your whole life not knowing? You never know what could happen if you just tell Caleb what you’ve been thinking all this time.” 

               “You’re right. Being in this house again made me realize just how much I’ve missed not only him, but all of you.” Tears form around Jade’s eyes. 

               “Aww honey, come here,” Brittany pulls Jade in for a hug. “We’re not letting you leave us like that again.”

               “That’s it,” Jade says and stands up. “I’m going to go find him. Wish me luck!” 

               “Of course! Tell me how it goes!” Brittany yells after Jade as she walks out of the living room. 

               She knows she has to find Caleb before she changes her mind. She goes through all the rooms of the house. He’s 6 foot 2, how hard can it be to find him? Room after room, there is still no sign of him. What if he already left and she missed him? She wipes her sweaty palms on her pants. Just as she is about to give up, she looks through the window of the kitchen to the back and sees the mop of curly brown hair she was searching for. His back is to the house as he sits on the side of the pool with his feet in the water.  

               Jade takes her heels off and sprints to the sliding glass door. This is her moment. She can’t back down now. With a final deep breath, she quietly slides open the door and tiptoes through the backyard. She can smell his pine and whiskey scented cologne now that she’s close to him. It’s a smell she has engraved in her memory.  

               “Hey,” she says and startles Caleb. “Mind if I join you?” 

               Caleb looks up at the voice and his eyes go wide in shock. The pair look at each other for a minute. Caleb’s brown eyes glisten against the moonlight, and the warm feeling makes its way to Jade’s chest after being away for so long.  

               “Please,” Caleb reaches for Jade’s hand and helps her sit. “I would love nothing more.” 

– 

               It was past midnight, and the party was still going strong. Jade and I played beer pong with Noah and Derek. Jade was drunk at this point, and losing the game wasn't helping. Derek sunk another ball into a cup, and Jade lunged for it. 

               “Woah there, babe,” I gently took the cup from her hand and held it over my head. “Let me have this one, you’ve been pretty stingy.” I didn’t even want to drink anymore, but I knew I needed to cut Jade off.  

               “Fine,” she sighed and pouted at me, but then quickly perked back up when she realized it was her turn. 

               She bent over and studied the cups; her tongue was sticking out. She always did that when she was concentrating but didn’t like it when I pointed it out. Just as she was getting ready to toss the ball, Derek spoke up. 

               “You know, man,” he pointed at me. “We’ll get to party like this every night once we move to Atlanta.”  

               Jade and I both freeze. I started waving my hands at Derek to shut up, but then Jade turned to look at me. 

               “Wait, what do you mean when you move to Atlanta?” Her head turned to the side like a confused puppy. 

               “Uh-” Fuck. I was in deep shit now. 

               “We’re going to record our EP,” Derek interrupted me. I was going to murder this kid in his sleep. “We leave tomorrow. Didn’t Caleb tell you?” 

               “Traitor,” I mouthed at him.  

               “No,” she crossed her arms over her chest. “He failed to mention that.” She rubbed her forehead. 

               “Can we talk about this outside?” I looked at Jade. “In private?” I looked over at Derek, silently shooting him. 

               “Sure, I guess,” Jade threw the ping pong ball as she followed me outside. The ball landed in a cup, cheap beer splashing from the sides and onto the table. 

               The night breeze hit my face, combating the warmth radiating from my skin. 

               “What the actual fuck, Caleb?” Jade threw her hands out.

               Okay, this was bad. I didn’t know what to do in this situation. I ran my hand through my hair. I really didn’t want to have this conversation while she was drunk. 

               “I was planning on telling you, I swear!” I stepped toward her, but she took a step back. 

               “When? When you were going to drive away in your U-Haul?” Her voice shook and tears lined her eyes. She looked up at the night sky. I wish she would just look at me. “I think I deserve a heads up that my boyfriend is leaving for 6 months!” 

               “Actually, it’s like a year,” I corrected her and immediately regretted it. Damn it, I should’ve kept my mouth shut. 

               “Oh, that’s great. That makes this so much better.” Jade was shaking and her knuckles were white.  

               “You’ve just been so busy with auditions, and I didn’t want to distract you or make you stressed--” I was just rambling at this point. 

               “So now you’re blaming me for this? I’m sure you’ve known you’re leaving for months now. I could’ve been mentally preparing myself all this time.”  

               Everything I was saying was just making this worse. Fuck, I was an idiot. 

               “No,” I said, “I’m not blaming you. This is my fault. I just didn’t know how to tell you.” 

               “Yeah, well newsflash, this is a pretty shitty way to let me know.” 

               “I know, I know, I’m sorry!” I took her hand. “It just never felt like the right time.” 

               “No,” she yanked her hand back from my grasp. “You just never made the time.” 

            “You’re right. I don’t know what else I can do other than apologize.” 

               She looked up at me for the first time with tears dripping down her face. I was the worst boyfriend ever. 

               “I’m not sure if there even is anything you can do, Caleb.”  

               With that, she walked back inside the house. I debated following her, but she seemed like she needed the space. I took off my shoes, sat on the side of the pool, and dipped my feet in. I thought about what I could say to Jade that would fix this. 

– 

               The cold pool water is enough to sober Jade up. A shiver runs up her body and sticks in her throat. She wraps her arms around her body for both warmth and comfort. She hopes Caleb can’t hear her heartbeat that’s pounding in her ears. She feels his stare on her as she continues looking at the bottom of the pool. 

               “Here,” Caleb says as he shrugs his leather jacket off. “Wear this, you’re shivering.” 

               Before she can argue, Caleb places the jacket over her shoulders. Her body immediately leans into the thick material and her shoulders become less tense by the second.  

               “Thanks,” Jade looks over at her ex-boyfriend. The last 5 years are lingering in the air between them.  

               “You look beautiful, Jade. I like your hair longer; it makes you look older.” 

               “You don’t look so bad yourself. Facial hair does wonders for your jawline.”  

               “So,” Caleb drags out the syllables. “How have you been?”  

               “Oh, well you know, pretty good.” Jade fiddles with her fingers. “I just finished filming for a mermaid movie coming out next year. How have you been?” 

               “Oh, that’s cool. We just finished up a tour and decided to take a break at home before starting our next album.”

               The pair grow silent. Jade kicks her feet in the pool. Caleb pulls a pack of cigarettes out of his front pocket, along with a red lighter. He lights a cigarette and takes a drag. 

               “Since when do you smoke?” Jade raises her eyebrows. 

               “Since about, I don’t know, 5 years ago?” Caleb’s voice has a sharp edge to it. “I needed something to calm me down. I was fidgeting so much I couldn’t even play my bass.”

               “Oh,” Jade pauses for a moment. “I’m sorry to hear that.” Caleb sighs.

               “Why did you come out here, Jade?” He looks into her eyes.

               “Okay, fine.” Jade sighs and meets Caleb’s gaze. “It’s been long enough. I’m ready to talk about it if you are.” She places her hand on Caleb’s. Caleb is silent for a moment. She’s not sure what he’s going to say first since there are so many unanswered questions.   

               “Where did you go that night? I waited for you at home, but you never came back.” Caleb’s voice cracks towards the end of the sentence, but then he clears his throat and spins the cigarette between his fingers. 

               “I stayed with my aunt on Tybee Island,” Jade shrugs her shoulders. “I wasn’t sure if you even wanted me to come home.”  

               Caleb sits up straighter and flicks his cigarette. “Of course, I wanted you to come home.” 

               “Then why didn’t you come after me?” Jade’s voice is barely over a whisper. 

               Caleb shifts his body, so he’s turned towards Jade. He pulls her closer to him. 

               “I didn’t think you wanted me to come after you. It seemed like you needed space, but then you never called me again. I figured you hated me.” 

               “You thought I hated you?” Jade scoffs. “When you didn’t call to ask where I was, I just assumed you didn’t want to know.”  

               “Wow,” Caleb shakes his head. “I guess I fucked up even worse than I thought I did.” 

               He takes another drag of his cigarette, holding the smoke in his mouth for a while before slowly breathing it out. He puts it out on the concrete next to him, the flame slowly dying. 

               “No,” Jade grabs Caleb’s now free hand and gives them a squeeze. “We were just kids. I was drunk off my ass, so I wasn’t thinking straight. I was just so hurt at the idea of you leaving without me. The only thing I could think to do was run.” 

               “I really am sorry, Jade. I should’ve ran after you. Hell, I should’ve just told you I was going to Atlanta. I wanted you to pack up and come with me.”  

               “You know I couldn’t have done that. Not with the movie deal I had just signed.”

               “Oh yeah, the vampire one? How did that go?”

               “Terrible,” Jade laughs. “I shouldn’t have done it. I should’ve gone to Atlanta with you. I bet I could’ve gotten some pretty good roles.”

               “I wish we could go back and change the past.”

               “It’s too late to change the past, Caleb. All we can do is focus on the future.” Jade leans in closer. 

               “Is there a we in the future?” He leans in too, their shoulders now touching. 

               “I don’t know.” Jade whispers. “Let’s just take it one day at a time.”

               “That sounds good to me.”

               Jade smiles and puts her head on Caleb’s shoulder. He lets out a soft chuckle. 

               “I missed you, Jade.” 

               “I missed you too, Caleb.”